Monday, February 17, 2014

My Love

I wanted to share an update with you guys on my little girl, for those that are interested =)

On the 26th my baby will be 5 months. She was born a month pre-mature via c-section and at the time only weighed about 6 lbs.  Before you leave the hospital, they test the baby's car seat to see if he or she can sit there for about an hour and half without any problems (such as breathing). She failed the test, her breathing was poor in the car seat, she was so tiny.  Now my baby weighs a whopping 18lbs! My back is not thrilled, neither is my incision which still aches from time to time. 

My recovery was hell despite the fact that the surgery did in fact go well. My husband was only able to be home for a week then he had to return to work and he was also in school (studying medicine). Needless to say, once he returned I was basically on my own. I watched the baby on my own at night and during the day (he went to school right after work).  The pain killers made me dizzy and sick, I was extremely sleep deprived, which hindered my recovery, and I was completely unprepared (she was suppose to come a month later after all!). The worst of it (I am not sure if I mentioned this before) was the joint pain.  It literally felt as though my skeleton was aching, like I was a bug that had been stepped on and was slowly curling up to die. Out of all the pain I felt, that pain was the worst, and no one knew what was wrong (I did research and there were other women that experienced the same thing, they too had no answers).
If there are any moms reading this that are experiencing what I am describing, try a supplement called 'B-Complex'.  It helped me tremendously. My husband was studying fitness/ nutrition before studying medicine, and the combination of those disciplines helped him posit that....well, it's a long story, the point is, it helped abate the pain making it more bearable. Eventually the pain completely disappeared.

I won't lie. I am EXHAUSTED 95% of the time. I mean so exhausted that I don't even want to waste energy eating, which is completely unhealthy but the truth. It would be easier if my husband was around more, or if my mom was, but they aren't (my mom lives in NY =(  ). His finishing his studies is so important for our future and the further of our baby, but the feminist in me needs to add, that my education is equally important. I am also in school but my classes are available online. My husband may be the 'bread winner' but I am making sure that I can also stand on my own. It may sound pessimistic but I believe, if possible, every wife/ mom/ woman and so on, should (again, if possible, I know it isn't always possible) be able to stand on their own if (God forbid) something were to happen to their husband, their marriage or anything of the sort. I think women often put themselves in a dangerous situation when they over rely on their significant other. I say this because I've seen it happen, a happily married stay at home mom, who quit school to raise her kids because her husband's job was providing more than enough...then some horrible accident happens that takes his life, and she is now stuck working multiple minimum wage jobs to support her is heart breaking, and scary. It made me aware that the reality is, something terrible can happen to anyone at anytime. You can never be fully prepared but I think it is important to try your best. 

Anyway, my chunk monkey is amazing. I have no time for myself and normally that would drive me insane, but my love for her allows taking care of her to be enjoyable (remember this is coming from a woman who didn't even want children!). 

My house is a mess and that also drives me insane (I also feel my family judging me for that) but if it is between spending time with her or putting away washed clothes, I choose her. If it is between using the hour or so she is sleeping to do some school work or put the dishes away, I choose school. Now when I say mess, I don't want you picturing a disgusting pigsty, there is nothing unhealthy going on, it is more like extremely disorganized. Everything is out of place. I'm just one person, and even though I still feel the need to be superwoman (who keeps whispering that in our ears?!? where do we get this ridiculous notion from?) I try to relax. Sometimes I look around and become disappointed in myself that I am not superwoman, I am trying to cut myself some slack.

I wish more than anything that I could afford a night nurse (one could dream!!!). How nice it would be to wake up refreshed and with energy. Then I could get so much more done and be an even better mom to my daughter during the day. But, no dice. 


  1. Gosh!!! she is sooooo gorgeous... don't worry it will get easier as the days go by.. i pray that God will give u both all that u need to take care of ure angel..and that He searches ure hearts and grants u ure desires.....

    1. Thank you so much Gracie!

  2. She's so cute! Congrats and I wish you all the blessings :) x

  3. She is adorable!!!!!! <3